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| Tuesday, November 10th, 2009 | | 4:01 pm |
| | 3:50 pm |
Phase one: even if it takes all day
this training for basic is hard. We are running alot, but I am so not used to it. At best, so far, I can do a half mile straight, but that is on a track. But I am working on it. The standard is at least two miles total a day. Preferably in one long run with, hopefully, few breaks. Either way, at least all in a days span, and only including runs we know distances on. At least I'm good with push-ups and sit-ups. At least enough to get in. Well, way more than enough for that. The number is like, 3 and 8 respectivly. In a minute. Yeah, I can do that. I have the ranks and alphabet memorized. Just need to get those runs down. Then I can start Phase 2: Endurance. Heehee, than Phase 3: speed :) Current Mood: accomplished | | Thursday, November 5th, 2009 | | 9:29 pm |
woof woof
As of today I am officially a dog of the military. No, I'm not a state alchemist, but, eh, close enough. I joined the army. A specialist already cause of college. I'll be doing intelligence work. I got a 97 on my ASVAP which is really cool. I'll be leaving in late February for basic. I'm really anxious to go. Its going to be alot of work, but I'm ready. My recruiter is awesome too. It will just be a bummer to leave the Rocky shadow cast :( being on it has been so fun. Current Mood:  excited | | Sunday, September 27th, 2009 | | 1:59 pm |
quick post
Rocky Horror was great. We had so much fun. Actually in the cast this time. And g2o was great. We dressed as Zombies with this one guy we met at an anarchist gathering and went around making people laugh with our impromtu zombie march. Many cops took camera phone pics. we were just being silly. I just hope I don't get in trouble for it, cause we ended up walking right past one of my supervisors. Were getting a new roomate ause Ivan broke his probation so we probably wont see him for awhile. And no this one, shockingly, is not from the street. We met him at the Rocky Horror Picture Show the night I was playing Columbia. Apparently I did pretty good in that role. I haven't told the dork about it yet, and I'm not sure if I will. Otherwise its been good. And we got an update on some old friends by one of the guys at the G20 protest. that was good. Keep forgetting that Romeo is in Hawaii. Hes been there for awhile now. We are currently redoing a room in our house and hope to have it done really soon. And I miss old Ray like nobodys business. I think I miss him more when I'm closer to seeing him again. Not that hes that hard to see on a regular basis, it just that things are weird and iffy between us, as always, so I've kinda been staying on the periphery for the past year. Dork helped with that. But now me and the dork are sick of eachother half the time so now it seems like I'm kinda ousting him to that place too. He just doesnt know it entirly yet. and it may not happen anyhow. Yep, Rocky Horror is a great fun thing to do with the hubby who I love. Current Mood: accomplished | | Saturday, September 5th, 2009 | | 1:49 pm |
Jerm
We met a guy named Jeremy in the square yesterday. He had the cutest little 6 wk old pit-bull puppy named Adie. He was a traveler and you could tell he was lost by the fact he was in the square. We palled around all day, hitting the vet before Oakland to get Adie her puppy shots and de-wormed. She was so sweet. She looked so violated when the vet took her temperature. The expression on her face. It was almost laughable, but you felt bad at the same time. Poor pup. Vet said she looked overfed. Jeremy was headed to Brooklyn, but he was intending to go to DC to visit his family before he moved up to NY. He was really nice to chill with. I kinda miss him today. And I hope Adie is doing okay, she was shaking a bit when we left, and we were kid of worried the shots may have been a little much for her tiny system. Plus the de-worming. She was one pooped puppy. Of course Jeremy carried her everywhere anyways so it really wasn't a problem. He doesn't want her getting exposed to the parvo virus before shes had all her vaccines. Those travellers really take care of their dogs. Current Mood:  curiousCurrent Music: Big Takeover -- Ryan Lee Crosby | | Thursday, August 20th, 2009 | | 12:09 pm |
before an eleven hour shift
I miss the Dork. I really think he's something. Heck, just the other day he told off one of those weasel girls, you know the ones that lead guys on, then when they are called on it, say that they weren't and that they only think of the person as a brother, but then when you look at the stuff they said, all you can say is 'what a brother in West Virginia?!' And then they lay on this thick self-pitying guilt trip to make you feel like you were wrong and crappy. Yeah, one of those. He stood up to one of THOSE. I am very impressed and proud. And I hope Allen keeps his job. He missed his shift today. Wrote it down wrong. Now his boss wants to talk to him... Current Mood:  lonely | | Wednesday, August 19th, 2009 | | 11:46 pm |
I'm back!
well, on the urgings of a certain dork who shall remain nameless, I'm going to try updating this thing a little more often, though I'm not sure what exactly to say. I'm happy I got to see Mack today. We chatted for alot longer than I intended. We didn't even really move from the mall food court for hours, like we used to do at the school lobby ...I guess old habits die hard... He had his new daughter with him. She is quite beautiful. She slept the entire time. Cute little bugger. Mack looks like hes turning out to be a good father. It was very sweet. The dork has been calling more than usual today. Its kind of odd. I mean I guess its nice but... I don't know. I don't know alot of things when it comes to him. I wish he wasn't so cagey all the time (worse than Chief). I guess he thinks it makes him tougher or something, but really it just makes him look emotionally stunted. But I guess that's him. I do care about him, but sometimes he is alot of worry for me. I hope he really turns out good. I think that's why I didn't ditch him all those times. I think he's really got something good in him. And I just care too darn much. Well, guess somebody has to. It can be so hard sometimes. He's like a different person when he's up or down. I love him dearly, but I'm just about positive he's bi-polar, and I'm scared that if he doesn't get help soon, all the things that he wants for his life will unravel. It is just no longer unnoticeable. If he got help they'd take him in these things, but if they discover it... I just don't want to think about it. I just don't know what to do anymore. I think so much of him. Why can't I help? Why can't he listen? Why can't his dreams come true? Whole thing gets me down sometimes. Allen and I are ok-ish. He stopped counseling awhile ago, but he is finally (under threat of divorce) going back. And we are going to be starting couples counseling soon. I do love him. Sometimes it just seems like it doesn't work as well. I am going to be so sad when The Dork leaves. I wish it wasn't so crazy hot lately. We redid our living room (it looks awesome) and put the air conditioner in, so its a little bit better, but still... I wish I could see Raymond again sometime soon. I miss him and his shows. I wouldn't mind seeing Ryan Lee Crosby again. I'd like to talk with him again. He was terribly congenial. And interesting. I just was a tad shy at the time, and didn't realize who he was, so there are alot of things I didn't get to chat with him about that I'd like to. And Max and Nick are doing well. We had a close call with Nick with the heat a bit ago, but we caught it in time and he is doing well now. He has many fans. Current Mood: hot | | Thursday, August 13th, 2009 | | 2:03 pm |
2 busy
lately it seems like i'm just too damned busy and too short on time. and now i must go. Karen AWAY!!!! | | Tuesday, May 19th, 2009 | | 8:20 pm |
sniff
Derek Walas beat me up on the 11th. More than play. He hurt me. Sprained shoulder. Sprained neck. Bruised knee and arm where his thumb was (he gripped it so hard). Put me into a wall, a window, and the pavement. Apparently I tagged him too hard. Current Mood: crushed | | Sunday, March 15th, 2009 | | 3:11 am |
Round and Round
Why am I letting him do this to me? Why do I let him get to me like this? Why does it still make me want to cry the hundredth time through? Why doesn't it stop hurting? Why do I let it turn me into a whimpering pile of self-doubting mush, looking for any affirmation that I'm worth something? Why does one man's judgment mean more to me than anyone else's? Why do I assume Allen, Derek, or any other guy I may think to be with should waste their time with someone who obviously already has a person they are loyal to above all others? Above all reason? What the hell is wrong with me? I think I need someone better to talk to. The picture you see is no portrait of me It's too real to be shown to someone I don't know And it's driving me wild It makes me act like a child --New Order Current Mood:  frustrated | | Thursday, February 26th, 2009 | | 10:33 am |
| | Thursday, January 15th, 2009 | | 3:56 pm |
Mad Ray
Ray's mad at me. It's not hard to tell. I almost regret telling him about whats been going on. If he bites his tounge much harder he's going to bite it off. | | Tuesday, January 6th, 2009 | | 11:17 am |
| | Monday, January 5th, 2009 | | 12:22 pm |
The year in reveiw
Now at the beginning of last year I decided that this would be a year for Jack, because I was having so much trouble getting over his death from the previous year. So I went with that. The beginning of the year found me living in Dormont with my new husband Allen in our one-bedroom apartment disowned by my father and pining for my lost friend in a most piteous way. Really still on a quest for an absolution from the sins of a truly sloppy emotional affair that went too deep too fast. Not to mention affirmation and insight into what I already knew to begin with, but didn't want to admit to myself. February would come as a turning point in all this. In a fit of what can only be described as a complete mental breakdown I quit the museum. This, though sparked one of the deepest depressions I'd ever been in and so, as a last ditch effort went to Raymond, a man I barely knew at the time for the absolution I needed. And I got it. I was on top of the world, until around 3:00 the next day when Jack's father called. After receiving a tip about a journal entry written the previous November THAT HE DIDN'T EVEN READ he went on to accuse me of killing his son, of being various types of monster and saying I deserved various horrible fates. And that fucked me up for the next few months. Luckily Ray was still there, trying to be friends, but it was not working because I was so freaked out. May would find me taking in the homeless Kyle who would take our PS2, but at least returned the sweater he took, though he didn't need to break the window to do it. I think he was more trying to send a message there. I looked for him, but I never did find him. He is still missed and worried about, but not too badly. June had me introduced to Ivan, Steve, and Shane. The last two being heroin junkies, who would get clean. I'd like to think I may have had a small hand in that. Especially with Steve. I know I was involved with Shane, because I referred him to Ivan who referred him to a treatment center, which got him clean. Just in time too, because he looked like he was on his way out as it were. Spiderpig, the Guinea Pig, also would die around this time. We also move to a two bedroom apartment across the hall. Ivan lived with us for a time, until it became clear that the only way to get him off the streets truly was to get him away from the streets completely, so we sent him back to Du Bois with a friend of his, and now he is still officially off the streets. He really just needed the start. Raymond and I got in a colossal fight with eachother around october, and it looked like we were finally done with the whole thing. Oddly though, it didn't end, but I still haven't gotten back to my comic since then. It was just too sad with me and my layout consultant fighting. I'm still amazed that we did patch things up. My grandfather also died around that time which was very hard for all of us. I also met Derek which brings us into the now. We started as friends, but our relationship deepened until we began dating. It is amazing because we seem to just have an incredible intimacy with eachother and very deep feelings. It has been hard on my marriage because there really is a strong love going on there, but I'm not ready to call quits this early in the game. Especially because I do love my husband. But he's needed serious psych help for awhile and now, only now, is he finally getting it. I know both are good people, and they both like eachother, but it would be nearly impossible to choose one over the other, and both say they'll still be around no matter what, so this will go into this year before I can really say anything, though it seems I'm almost living with Derek now. But thats also because we now have Joe and his girl at our place and they kind of suck, so thats where that is. | | Friday, December 19th, 2008 | | 2:09 pm |
sadness
Raymond is having a really hard time right now. I wish I could do something to help him or cheer him up. He really means so much to me. It just makes me feel awful. Like I want to cry. I don't want him to have to hurt. Not like that. :'( Current Mood: crushed | | Tuesday, December 16th, 2008 | | 1:16 pm |
What the Hell is happening?
Dare loves me. He honest to God is in love with me. Badly. And the worst part is, I think I feel the same. No...Thats not the worst part... The worst part is, I don't think, I know. Poor Allen. But at least I don't intend to leave him. | | Monday, December 1st, 2008 | | 3:05 pm |
back to normal
Raymond gave us a copy of his early release CD. We loved it. We were so happy I didn't care that we weren't able to find the brushes that we were at the store for. ...It's weird, I think hes been a better friend since we decided we never wanted to see each other again.... Current Mood:  bouncy | | Saturday, November 29th, 2008 | | 2:56 pm |
And just like that
I ditched Derek. I guess I just couldn't be in it anymore. Thats the nature of a flash in the pan friendship. He's not too bothered and nor am I. Besides, he's got a new relationship starting and our buddy-ship would not look right at all. At least I don't think so. Eh, it was good while it lasted. | | Wednesday, November 12th, 2008 | | 2:17 pm |
some good stuffs
We had a good time last night. Derrick is an okay kid, though he's declared me unequivocally bad. For the record though, HE"S the one who knocked over the water. But all in all good. And Allen got the newest 3D Max on the computer. Apparently yesterday they got the smartboard working in class, and apparently you can 3D model on it. BY HAND. As in, with your hands. I really want to try this, but not enough to crash his class. | | Tuesday, November 11th, 2008 | | 1:12 pm |
sooo...
So we've got Derrick, the mystery gaurd who finnally appeared like Saturday before last. He's nice, I think. I need to get to know him a little better before I know what to do with him. If I don't spaz and never talk to him again...But that wouldn't be very nice to do to my newest myspace buddy. Current Mood: curious |
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